Sunday 20 September 2015

Shocking Excursion Back into Singledom

Poor Egg is not so good at the Texas Tommy.
Well, well, well. So this weekend did not pan out as planned, so your poor auntie got a reminder of what it is like to be passed over by dozens of men because she lacks the one thing the men are looking for. In this case it was the ability to dance like a woman who has been swing-dancing for several years.

I've been told you can get away with this lack if you are young and pretty (although not always). And certainly you can be much older than me, stouter, etc., and still be sought out as a dance partner. Heaven knows, there were a goodly number of nimble-footed women over 40 on the dance floor, but they were rarely me. 

Nope, what these women had in common was that they were very advanced swing-dancers and the men asked them to dance a lot. And when the men hesitated, they asked men to dance, and all was well. Alas, when I smiled at those I deemed the most likely to dance with me, since I have seen them almost every week for six months, their glances slid right by me.* This is the UK; we don't need words.

Naturally life has taught me that if there is anything you should not moan about, it is being overlooked by men, for your male hearers take this as their cue to overlook you themselves, but I doubt I will have the opportunity to dance with any of my six male readers anyway.  Oh, except the ones in my parish. Drat. Now they know. 

Well, it can't be helped. First priority is solidarity with my Single readers, so I thought they should know that being Single and female can really suck even when you're actually married.  This lesson cost me £55, but I offer it to you for free. 

Meanwhile, if you are a man (and not visibly scary), it doesn't matter if you are old, new, fat, thin, tiny or tall; women at international swing-dancing events will dance with you. They will not say no. They will even smile at you, no matter how basic your routines. They will smile and smile and smile because if there is one place where the patriarchy still means anything, it is on the dance floor. Trust me.

*There was one blessed exception to this. May God bless him. May he live to see his children's children. Oczywiście on był Polakiem. Niech Bóg go blogosławi. Niech on żyje widzieć dzieci swoich dzieci.


  1. Sigh.... For every fantastic night of dancing there is an equal and opposite night of 'no one to dance with'. I thought it was just me, but if it is any comfort at all, even us 29yr olds who are a little more up the scale towards 'advanced', who smile, who don't sit, who stand in the way of traffic on and off the floor, who quite frankly look interested without looking ( I hope) either lost or desperate, get ignored, and that by men who generally will ask one to dance... so you wonder why you came/stayed after class, and then a few weeks later you have a 'good' night again.."" Aargh!

    If I do ever marry, it will be to someone who likes to dance.

  2. Definitely, if you want to ensure you are never a wall flower, that is a good idea, if you can swing it. No pun intended--believe it or not!

  3. Alisha told me all about it and I was very sorry. It further reminds me that I must remember my resolve to dance with beginners a few times a night, even though I now often get to dance with really advanced people.
    I think this principle should be taught in every dance class as an important component of dance etiquette. If we really cared about the art form, we would make greater efforts to make beginners feel welcome. Otherwise the community withers.

  4. Humph. Save your resolve for the beginning follows because, believe me, the beginning leads have no trouble (at least not in my town). I have seen beginning leads transform from shy gawky fellows to snooty, swaggering supermen of swing in mere months! But the girls... Come to think of it, I am one of the few beginning girls to stick it out this long without a man in tow.

  5. Swing dancing men can be such snobs. Don't take it personally!

  6. If swing dancing men are such snobs, do I really want to waste the pretty? Dancing is fun, but do I want to rely on snobs for my fun and feel soooooo grateful to them for giving me the time of day?

    I will tell you one thing: if I go back to swing-dancing--and I have to calm down first--I will turn down all the men who blanked me this weekend. If they ask--which they probably won't--I'll say "No thanks". I'll keep on dancing with the shy, humble guys.


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