Sunday 12 October 2014

To Hell in a Handcart Episode 1

Occasionally when I come across a story about contemporary female life in former Christendom in which the heroine's stupidity can barely be comprehended, I will post it here. This way, no matter how mad we get at men, we will have lots to remind us of how  women can be equally venal and moronic and, paradoxically, cheer us up.

First, the Dwarf-hiring Baby Mama.

I described what North American bridal showers were like to a British couple last night. You know--the laundry basket-lid (or pot-lid) hat with the bows, the little sandwiches, the games like pass the parcel.... They had never heard of such goings on.

Since I'm on the subject, B.A. called home to report that during the stag weekend the boys ate fish and chips and talked until 2 AM on Friday, and in the morning they shot ancient muskets and then toured a brewery. Then they had an Indian supper, and were (when he called) making a round of pubs. This morning's plan was that all the Catholics would go to Mass.

Naturally nobody would invite me to a British-style "hen night" because I would be a total wet blanket. Still, I bet I could organize a great  hen week:

"Let's all fly to Kraków!"


"And look at a lot of ART!"

And I would assign everyone a nice 1812 costume. We could have a Jane Austen hen weekend, traipsing around Polish museums dressed like Jane, Elizabeth, Lydia, Charlotte ("How come I have to be Charlotte?"), Mary and Kitty. And then we could go to Mass.


  1. If I ever get married, I don't care if we've never met, you are totally allowed to throw me a hen weekend, because I think that might be my ideal... Seriously... Being of Polish ancestry, I've always wanted to go to Poland, I love museums, I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE Jane Austen and Regency period fashion.... (And I'd be the one only complaining if I got stuck being Mary or Lydia... Charlotte is downright awesome if she could have just found someone before Mr. Collins... Yes I betray my love of Pride and Prejudice fanfiction here...)

  2. There you go! Honestly, there should be a lot more variety to "hen parties" than the "wear obscene accessories and revealing clothes, get on the Ryan Air flight to Ibizia, get smashed, go to the beach, get smashed..."

    1. It blows my mind that some people call that "fun". That sounds like my worst nightmare ever and I would despise every second of it.

  3. Julia, possibly that's why alcohol is such a feature. Imagine if every single one of them would rather just wear pretty dresses and look at paintings, but they all think they HAVE to wear obscene accessories and hoot at strangers in public and sit on a beach drinking cocktails until it's time to reapply mascara and go to the rave.

    The funny thing, though, is that when I last saw women like this in Prestwick Airport, the young men kept sneaking interested peeks at them. And I have checked with a beautician, and it turns out that young Scottish men are actually attracted to orange-painted Scottish women who dress and act like that. You would think from the things men say that they all despise them, and maybe some of them do at the deepest level, but on the surface, they are very interested indeed.

    I am not too disturbed, however, because the British male psyche is weird in many ways, and the few times I have drawn similar admiration, it was because I was dressed up in the height of fashion for the early nineteen-thirties or the early nineteen-forties.

    In a very masculine country like Poland, though, basically all you have to do is be foreign and look idly at young men thinking, "That one looks rather handsome", and they sense it instantly and look back at you. Possibly foreign women have really exciting reputations in Poland compared to Polish women. Or women are nicer to men in Poland so that Polish men do not think, like legions of British and Canadian men, "I can't be bothered."

    Oh dear, I'm thinking about this stuff again. But you'll notice I had to leave my country to find a husband. Exotic Canadian glamour worked for me. Maybe the solution for Australian women is also to travel.

    How is Babcia, by the way? I think you should have a Babcia blog. I would read it every day.

  4. I recently watched a movie called "Austenland," which featured a 30 year old girl (whose bedroom was decorated in Regency style) spending all her savings to go to Austenland to live as a character in a Jane Austen novel. It was hilariously funny for Jane Austen fans...a little crass in places, but generally clean. Thought you might like a look if you want a lighthearted comedy.


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