Saturday 15 August 2015

Assumption Open Post

Well, poppets, I have a fair amount of running around today, so I'll just leave the combox open so you can fuss and complain and discuss any Single issue you like. SINGLE GIRLS ONLY--and today that doesn't include girls with fiancés. The combox is open only to those who lack the stability and confidence inherent in having a nice, committed man in the background.  Thus I invite only Single women to admonish, counsel and comfort the brethren--sisteren?

That said, don't talk harshly about mothers (ANY mothers) because the mothers will be reading anyway. I am not sure why married ladies with children would be reading this blog on Seraphic Singles Saturday, mind you. Surely there are nicer things for them to do, or more pertinent things to read. Naturally it is highly flattering to me that they do, but that's a topic for another time.

A happy Feast of the Assumption to all, and the Separated Sisteren who don't know what that is can read all about it here. Also, a cheery hello to all Poles celebrating Polish Army Day. Congratulations once again on defeating the Soviets during the Miracle of the Vistula in 1920. Finally, a happy birthday to my nephew Pirate. He is now eleven.


  1. Thank you Seraphic. Defeating the Soviets was great! It has been important to the Poles (and we know it really well) and to the world (the world doesn't know it - with few exceptions). So thank you for mentionig it again.

    I'm in my forties, single and frustrated. I'm starting 54 Day Novena today, but have been tempted to give up hope.

    Thank you for your blog. It's great and helpful.
    You are in my prayers.

    Your Very Single Polish Reader :-) ;-)

  2. Oh, what a golden opportunity to scold my single sisters! :P

    But I'm kind of not kidding. Things I have learned recently make me want to write a talk for single Catholic women. The talk's title will be "You Might Not Be a Sl*t, But You're Probably a B*tch".

    A male friend recently told me that he has been friend-zoned by a certain girl. She had expressed many signs of interest in him, and so he took the bait and asked her out. Then she told him that she sees him "as a friend".

    Oh man.

    He told me about the signs of interest, and they were not subtle. She friended him on Facebook. She'd IM him first thing many mornings. They'd have 45-minute-long chats via IM. She initiated a spiritual D and M with him. Whenever they saw each other socially, she would pay him a lot of attention, laugh a lot at his stories and generally just seem interested. She complimented him quite a bit too.

    Now he feels used. No wonder, I said. She used him (however unintentionally) as a free therapist. I'm going to assume the best of her and assume that she is not duplicitous but rather immature (she's very young.)

    At least two other guys have told me stories of being led on by girls. I'm not sure about all the signs that these other girls were giving, but I will say that all three of these guys are sane and reasonable, and that I think they are unlikely to assume girls are interested without some pretty clear signs. They're good guys. I am beginning to see why some men are hesitant to ask out women.

    Seraphic, your work still has far to spread.

    1. What is spiritual D and M?

    2. Ah ha! Thanks! :)

    3. I've been thinking about this girl, and I don't know how old she is, but my first guess is not that she was "using" the guy, but that she thought he was just like a girl. Girls constantly think guys are "just like" girls on the inside, whereas guys generally don't, so whereas guys definitely start talking to girls like they're their therapists, girls talk to guys like they are their girlfriends. Meanwhile, in a Catholic culture where guys say "Coffee?" and girls hear "Marry me, have my children, wash my shorts!", I am not surprised girls draw back from the scariness saying "Just friends! Just friends!" As the song goes, "She's a young girl and cannot leave her mother."

  3. Happy Feast of the Assumption! Attended a most beautiful ordination this morning, so it really has been an incredible day. I usually don't leave too too many comments, but at the ordination Mass this morning I was struck by the feeling that it was like a wedding, except even better and more special. So, er, I just wanted to share that. :) And that I have really been enjoying the blog over the past few weeks. This is a real place of solace.

  4. If all these irresponsible single girls are looking for is a sort of therapist, then why not look to a trusted girl friend, female relative, priest, religious sister, or actual therapist? And why use these good guys so poorly? After paying a man a lot of this kind of attention, they deserve a couple of coffee dates, or at the very least, they deserve a frank discussion about why they have been treated this way.
    I think that in this kind of situation, accepting an invitation to a coffee date or simply being honest involves a mortification. She doesn't want to stop being an unattainable object of desire, and she doesn't want them to move on, which is why she "friend-zones." One of the benefits of these kinds of friendships is having someone with whom to be "emotionally sl*tty." It isn't really a therapist this kind of girl is looking for.

    This kind of brings me to another, hopefully related, topic. A couple of days ago, Seraphic mentioned something about avoiding a return to the commodification of virginity, and it has had me a-thinking. There is a new (or at least trending) critique right now of what some call the "cult of virginity." I haven't read too much about it, but I'm sure that's to some degree in reaction to chastity talks and chastity conferences and chastity retreats, etc. In my hometown, for example, the most popular one of these conferences was a sort of chastity course at an Evangelical church that lasted for a month and ended with a formal dance. I didn't go, but my younger Catholic sisters did with their Protestant friends, and they tried to be receptive, but were mostly left cynical. But still, there has to be a meaningful way to teach and talk about virginity and chastity that doesn't involve that bit about "well, how far can we go?" but would still be a proper response to the challenges presented by our ever-increasingly sexualized culture? I think I felt more of the horror than the hope after reading that Vanity Fair article about Tinder...

    -M, a single reader

    1. I really don't get how this girl used the guy as a free therapist, or is in love with being an unattainable object of desire, but I agree that she sure wasn't very prudent. The most charitable assumption is that she just doesn't know very much about boys.

      There is a good book on the subject of chastity called "How Far Can We Go" that tries to move everyone beyond ACTS to start thinking about the PERSON. I think what we really need to have hammered in our heads when we are young is that girls are people, too, and boys are people, too, and neither girls nor boys are toys. This can be REALLY hard to learn, especially nowadays.

  5. Hi there! This is a bit late to the party, but I thought this article might interest some of you (and be a bit of an antidote to the Tinder horror piece). Basically, it's about a book which argues (from a totally secular point of view) that people are in generally having way less s*x than we think, etc. Thoughts?


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