And now the whole internet-watching world knows that this guy publicly belittled his girlfriend's hope to marry him. At her cousin's wedding.
Wow. Just wow.
As jokes go, that's not very funny.
I see they've been "together" for four years.
I admit it's a tad unusual, but B.A. and I married seven-and-a-half months after we met in person.
Four years, no wedding.
Seven-and-a-half months, wedding.
Yes,we were 36 and 37 when we met, but at 27 and 32 these people are not shy, gawky teenagers uncertainly entering adult life.
FOUR YEARS?!?!?! What sort of character revelation is he waiting for, I wonder. And, come to think of it, if she doesn't yet see how dumpable he is, friends and family should step in. After all, they've made the state of their non-union very public.
Well, it's her life, and I generally am pretty good about not giving advice when I haven't been asked for it. But if any of you, my little sugar dumplings, wrote to me to say that you went to a family wedding with your boyfriend--whom you love--and he knocked the bride's bouquet away from your outstretched hand to raise a laugh, I would say to dump him. At once.
If living together, I would say, "Move out. Take your stuff. Leave the keys. Imagine his heart racing in panic and fear, or worse, excitement. (She's gone! Who-hoo! Boy-man party time!) Book off some vacation time. Plan a trip to Paris. Or Rome. Florence is also very nice.
"Do not go back without a tearful apology and a ring. Unless, of course, you already have children together. In which case, what can I say other than I'm really sorry he did that to you. Try to find happiness in being a good mother. Pray a lot."
Oh, my. That poor girl. I sincerely hope someone tells her to dump him like a hot potato. :(
ReplyDeleteI'm curious about your last few lines. But what if a woman in that situation converts to Catholicism (or rediscovers it, if baptized Catholic) and realizes that she shouldn't be having sex outside of marriage? I can definitely understand giving up your desire for marriage for the sake of your children, but if you realize that you shouldn't be in a sexual relationship outside of marriage, you can't stay in it just for the sake of staying together with your children's father, can you?
You certainly have a good point. Ooh. You got me.
ReplyDeleteBlast. You're right. The ultimate fate of your immortal soul trumps even the right of children to live with their mum and dad.
So sad for the kids, though. I mean, how does a little kid compute "I'm sorry. Daddy doesn't want to marry Mummy, and never did, and made fun of Mummy wanting to marry Daddy."
I guess I would say that your motive for leaving would have be not wanting to insult God by continually sinning against His will for you about sex, not just saving your self-esteem and finding a new man.
I guess under this circumstance, eyes wide open to the realities of him, I would say "Commit to me for the children's sake, or I am out of here." I wouldn't recommend, in this case, that she leave just to find a new, better and more loving man. But in all other situations, I would.
DeleteOoh, that makes sense. Thank you!
DeleteOne of the thoughts I had, which is perhaps frivolous, was just how very good-looking both the man and woman are in this clip.
ReplyDeleteNaturally, they are both dressed nicely for the wedding, but the woman is especially beautiful/cute. She is tan with straight blondish hair and has features like a Hollywood actress. Indeed, she met her boyfriend when they were both acting in a London musical. They also must have had some money for both to fly from London to South Africa for a wedding.
So, is it better to have a boyfriend for 4 years who sometimes makes mean jokes at your expense -- that according to the article, you both find hilarious later, or is it better to have long periods of not dating anyone, and then find a great guy who marries you within the year when you are in your late 30's?
I think the latter choice is better by far, but maybe such a beautiful woman would have a harder time with the choice to end a romance in her early 30's. It could be harder to sift through the guys who just think she is hot to find the ones who really appreciate her personality and values. It could also be more unusual for her to have a long period of being romance-free. She may have had boyfriends in high school and college already, and gotten too tired of the breakup cycle to really want to make a change, preferring rather to laugh it off and keep hoping. There is a big risk to breaking up -- it could take another couple of years or more to move from meeting a new man to marriage, and that is kind of scary in one's 30's.
Hmmm. I really doubt that the lady ever ended up finding this "hilarious". She just has to say that so that people -- like her boyfriend's friends -- don't start calling her a "crazy b*tch". I mean, he's humiliated her very publicly about something very sensitive. That's gotta smart.
DeleteMy gosh, this sort of thing -- this "let's date for four years and maybe I'll propose or maybe not" -- really p*sses me off. It makes me sad too. Who likes to think that her boyfriend is reluctant to marry her?
I know of a young woman in a similar situation. She's got a live-in boyfriend who is, so he says, against marriage. She protests that that's okay, and that she's fine with not getting married, but I don't buy it. No one does. And all her friends are now getting engaged. It must be hard. I believe that being "in a relationship" and longing to get married to a guy who won't propose is faaaar worse than just being plain straight-up Single.
I know another woman (25 years old) whose boyfriend of 6.5 years broke it off with her in January. I'd been thinking he wasn't serious for awhile. He chose to do a doctoral programme overseas, and it takes at least three years. I'm pretty sure that when Guy is crazy about Girl he doesn't voluntarily take off to another continent for years. He could have done the doctorate in our city.
Or, he could say, "I'm going overseas. Come with me. Marry me. It will be an adventure!" Look at me, living in Scotland with a horribly tiny British washing-machine and the NHS. Ech. But the man makes it worth it. Also the fantastic architecture and the cheap flights to the continent.
DeleteI know! If he'd married her, she could have gone with him. So I guess the real point is that he just didn't really want to marry her.
DeleteThat's about the size of it. The guy who wants to marry his girlfriend asks his girlfriend to marry him.
DeleteMan, 6.5 years.
That's about the size of it. The guy who wants to marry his girlfriend asks his girlfriend to marry him.
DeleteMan, 6.5 years.
It occurred to me last night that maybe this video is a hoax. Where are the other women trying to catch the bouquet? Why is the bride standing so close to her seated cousin when she throws the bouquet?
DeleteCould this be a publicity stunt or an as-yet unrevealed viral publicity campaign?
I actually wondered if the cousin might have thrown it directly to her on purpose? Maybe because the bride knew she wanted to get married? When I was engaged, my fiance's grandfather's new wife thought it would be cute (and it was! :) to throw the bouquet directly to me, since I was the next person getting married. Or, if it was a small wedding that excluded children (It sounded like it might be a destination wedding) she might have been the only single woman there.
DeleteOr it could be a hoax! I hadn't thought of that.
I think being with Mr Wrong interferes with your inability to find Mr Right, and mostly sets you up for meeting another Mr Wrong. My advice is definitely to spend as much time as possible around great guys and a little time as possible around jerks.Meanwhile, I really think we have it right in "Catholic dating": as soon as we know we really wouldn't want to marry the person we're dating, we're supposed to tell them. What if this woman spends another 4 years with this doofus, never having children, he dumps her for a new woman, and she finds someone else at 38, but discovers she can't have kids? I can understand 20 year olds being less confident about their social lives, but in your 30s, you really have to draw the limits and fearlessly promote your own good.
ReplyDelete