"I think your shea butter has gone rancid," said B.A. midweek. He sniffed and made faces. Sniff, sniff, wince, wince.
A little boy got out of his seat on the Sunday bus to peer into my face and then went back to complain to his grandmother, "She has too much hair."
The grandmother leaned forward to mutter into our affronted necks, "Heh heh heh heh heh. He's jest a wee laddie."
"Indeed," we said with all the unsmiling hauteur of a ducal couple out of Georgette Heyer.
"Baa-aaa-aaaa," bleated the wee laddie.
It was a very credible imitation, but then this is Scotland after all.
"Your hair smells like white chocolate," said B.A. on the same bus ride.
"Yes. It has a buttery smell. It's a food smell. I don't like perfumey things that smell like food. It's a butter, isn't it?"
"No, it says on the jar that it's a soufflé."
"Maybe you could find something that smells like flowers. Or citrus. I don't mind if it's a sweet smell, as long as there is something acidic to cut it. Or if it smells like flowers. Like lavender. I like lavender. But I don't like food smells when I can't get away from them---."
"B.A.! I am sorry you don't like it, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it at the moment."
"I just really don't like buttery smells."
"I just had to tell you, that I have been admiring your hairs," said one of the parish Frenchwomen, collaring me in my pew.
"They are beautiful."
"Thank you very much!"
Vive la France!
This week's hair experiment involved washing and detangling with conditioner, putting in Aussie Three Minute Miracle for half an hour, washing that out and adding whole handfuls of shea butter soufflé. Then I rolled up my hair in a baby blanket and went uncomfortably to sleep. When I woke up my hair was still wet. Whoops. So I air-dried my hair (that is, ignored it) and noticed that the curls are now less like S's and more like ringlets. However (see above) I also discovered my husband hates the smell of the shea butter soufflé, so I have bought a £15 bottle of Dr Organic Pure Moroccan Argan Oil.
It does not smell buttery. Stay tuned.