Don't be a Snob

"It's not about race, it's about class," I am wont to repeat when I think about the woes of the USA. A pecking order based on where you get accepted to college is incredibly stupid. It's arguably another form of consumerism, and this spills over into friendship and dating. It creates a nasty form of snobbery which punishes women in particular.

Read the following article.

It is true that I married a university graduate, like my father. My husband got his degree in the humanities. He works in the charity sector. Fortunately I grew up with a mother who thinks consumerism is sinful and that the love of money is the root of all evil. We are very happy.

A friend of mine from university married a skilled tradesman, like her father. He didn't go to uni at all. He is foreman for some company or other. When they got married, he already had a house. My friend still has her teaching job, but she also has a house, garden, chickens, a car, etc., etc. They are very happy.

A friend of mine who went to different universities married a farmer--not like her late father, actually. I think he was in telecommunications. Anyway the farmer had dropped out of uni. He works for his older brother, who owns the farm. They live in their own farmhouse and have a glorious view. This friend also has a teaching job, but also a farmhouse and guaranteed work for her husband, two children, an extended farming family, a pick-up truck, etc., etc. They are all very happy.

I don't think anyone should feel she should HAVE to date a guy with whom she has little in common, but making friends from all ages and walks of life is a good idea. It's also a good idea to meet as many guys at college or uni as possible, so as to realize that not all guys at college or uni are as smart as some of the tradesmen and self-employed businessmen you have met. Also, not all of them are suited for college or uni life and drop out sooner rather than later to take up some trade they discover they would really prefer to white-collar work.

Mostly I think it is important to make friends, real buddies, guys who respect you and whom you respect. They don't have to be just like you, and you don't have to be just like them. Naturally, it's a good plan to share core values with anyone thinking you might be a good girlfriend or marriage prospect. But core values must have some kind of objective value. "Love of family" is objectively valuable. "Wears Ralph Lauren" is not. "Is a critical thinker" is objectively valuable. "Went to Harvard" is not.

I really honestly don't think "has university education" should be anyone's criteria for befriending men. If you have a university education, great. Hopefully that opens the career/job doors for you you want opened and hasn't crippled you with debt. University is a great place to make friends, friends you may have all your life. But it's supposed to make you a broad-minded person, confident in speaking with all kinds of people and figuring how best to communicate ideas to different audiences (e.g. if you study math, how you would teach it to a five year old), not closing you off to other people, as if uni had inducted you into a sacred priesthood. I'm not saying you should go on a date with a real slacker; I'm just saying, stop rejecting 90% of humanity before they've even said "Hi."

Meanwhile, although your husband's way of life would have an enormous impact on your life--so you need to be really sure before you sign on--women are no longer defined socially by their marriages. Okay, here at the Historical House, I am definitely Mrs B.A. But to a segment of the Catholic reading public, I am definitely DCM.  Over the sea, Mrs Tradesman is still Professor Herself, and Mrs Farmer is still Professional Mezzo-soprano.