And thank you to Benedict Ambrose who took me out for a boozy lunch today and gave me a pin shaped like a bee. B.A. is the best of men and has learned over the past six years that neither taking me for a boozy lunch on my birthday nor giving me a gift of some sort causes thunder, hurricanes and violent cold snaps. I mention this only so that readers do not think that once they are married, their relationship work is done. No. Even the best of men sometimes have to have it explained to them twice or thrice that some things are very important, and celebrating birthdays on the actual birthday is one of them--at very least to me.
Celebrating Valentine's Day is also considered very important by many married women, but as a matter of fact, I always spend V-Day with readers instead. Of course, a valentine and flowers, no matter how small, are always appreciated. Wedding anniversaries are also important in the Historical House, although more low key than my actual birthday. Without me, B.A.'s birthday would be low key because---get this---he is a man and "Men don't care as much about birthdays." Did you ever? I can't quite believe this, so he gets a boozy lunch or a party and a present too.
As everyone says, in a good marriage you have to communicate and say things like, "I understand that you don't care so much about your X, or see the point of Y Day, but my X and Y Day are incredibly important to me, so I would be very grateful if you would remember to celebrate them.
That said, you also have to pick your battles. Personally, I do not care if B.A. leaves cups and saucers all over the house, or has three water glasses on the go in the bathroom, or uses every single pan in the house to make supper. Washing dishes is my job, so I just collect 'em all up and wash 'em. I don't see any point to complaining. I save complaining for really important stuff, like his suggesting we celebrate my birthday on some other day.
Naturally I am not perfect, so B.A. also picks his battles and complains about things that are very important to him, and after unfairly grumping about it, I apologize and try to do better. And that reminds me that the dishes have silted up in the kitchen, so I had better log off and wash them.
Oh, happy birthday to you! And yes, birthday gifts are nice.ReplyDelete
"Pick your battles" - I will remember this, as it not only applies to married couples but to all kinds of relationships. Tell people what really disturbs you, but not every single little thing you get a little annoyed about.
On how I wish I'd read this at the beginning of my marriage. So much disappointment, tears (from me) and bewilderment (from him) in that first year. We are getting better at it though. I still hate to tell him what I want because it seems like it doesn't count if I ask for it. Oh well, it's a work in progress.
Aussie Girl in NZ
I know what you mean, but that is one of those things about real life. Men really can't read minds, and they rarely think like women. It does indeed count if you ask for it--so I counsel praise and thanks when he gives it--although of course it is nice when you don't have to ask anymore.Delete
Happy birthday! And get this -- your birthday is also Australia Day.ReplyDelete
Hmmm. Well, it appears that not all women are the same about the birthday thing. I stopped caring about my birthday after I was about 13 or so. I don't know why. If I celebrate it on the day, on another day, or not at all -- it's all the same to me.
As for Valentine's Day and wedding anniversaries, well, I'm single, so those days obviously aren't relevant to me, and I'll refer to my parents instead, because I expect that if I ever do get married, I'll be subconsciously imitating their marriage. Valentine's Day elicits not a word out of either of them. I think they probably forget about it, which is not a big surprise because it's not really a big deal in Australia. Wedding anniversaries? They go to dinner and gossip about their children.
Happy Birthday! and thank you for the daily dose of sanity.ReplyDelete
I found this quote hilarious, "Otherwise I will go into a snit that can be cured only by a very expensive afternoon at the beauty shop."
I know you marked it out, but I've definitely felt this way. Ahahaha!
I love that line too! :)Delete
Happy, happy birthday, Seraphic!!
Happy birthday! :-) And I think the point about explaining things and not stewing in resentment is a good one that many people overlook. If the person isn't sufficiently bothered and can let it go, that's fine, but it's not really fair to be bothered over something and never tell the other person while getting resentful and huffy. :-)ReplyDelete
Wszystkiego najlepszego z okazji urodzin! Zdrowia, szczęścia, pomyślności i spełnienia marzeń!ReplyDelete
Thank you, all! Dziękuję bardzo!ReplyDelete
Belated Happy Birthday, Seraphic!ReplyDelete