tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post4218354621608268052..comments2023-06-16T16:08:23.446+01:00Comments on Edinburgh Housewife: It's Just Coffee, But...Mrs McLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18095035617334068201noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-8947463537578684382015-09-16T23:39:06.589+01:002015-09-16T23:39:06.589+01:00Sometimes I think a swift kick in the pants might ...Sometimes I think a swift kick in the pants might be a good option - - luckily, I've restrained myself thus far. Catherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06445940812881681649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-70476773849898156712015-09-16T23:25:00.548+01:002015-09-16T23:25:00.548+01:00I'd stick with "No, thanks." It'...I'd stick with "No, thanks." It's only once a year, so at this point you might as well think of it as an annual tradition. Mrs McLeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18095035617334068201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-6302925603255272942015-09-16T22:46:52.512+01:002015-09-16T22:46:52.512+01:00What if it's a Situation A, the guy is Catholi...What if it's a Situation A, the guy is Catholic, you've known him for 10+ years, and he asks you for coffee once a year - despite being shot down every year because the attraction is not remotely mutual? Is there a better way to say "No thanks...just like the other ten times you asked"?Catherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06445940812881681649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-57533065293016518272015-09-16T09:01:20.154+01:002015-09-16T09:01:20.154+01:00Yes, absolutely. A hundred years ago, boys were br...Yes, absolutely. A hundred years ago, boys were brought up not to do this. It is really ungentlemanly and uncharitable and....I can't think of enough adverbs and adjectives to describe it. Those boys deserved to be turned down, and it would be nice if the other boys told them that. Mrs McLeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18095035617334068201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-16714620284233380312015-09-15T22:47:15.036+01:002015-09-15T22:47:15.036+01:00I think it's worth keeping in mind that just b...I think it's worth keeping in mind that just because a man describes the way he was turned down as being rude, doesn't mean it was. In my experience men who are turned down, no matter how politely, will sometimes bad mouth the girl to others. I saw this happen to my bff many times despite the fact that she was extremely polite and often too forgiving, <br /><br />Aussie girl in NZAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-24852101642844288052015-09-14T22:56:54.762+01:002015-09-14T22:56:54.762+01:00I think because often it's ruder than "No...I think because often it's ruder than "No, thanks".Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992516879346846271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-20902924519986781242015-09-14T20:47:31.311+01:002015-09-14T20:47:31.311+01:00Maybe they had allergies. Or maybe it was consider...Maybe they had allergies. Or maybe it was considered very bizarre in that region to be offered flowers by complete strangers. If my mother and I were at a restaurant (being younger than your couple there) dining, we would be very surprised if strangers offered us a bunch of flowers. We are not allergic to flowers, so would we take the flowers? I suppose to be polite I might take them off your hands and then get rid of them later, unless we were going somewhere after supper. In that case we would probably say no to your pretty white elephant. <br />Mrs McLeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18095035617334068201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-61756293368594129892015-09-14T20:21:10.797+01:002015-09-14T20:21:10.797+01:00As for "shot down" , I suppose men use i...As for "shot down" , I suppose men use it because of manly associations... <br />But once, when I was traveling for work, a client sent a flower arrangementhead to my hotel room as a hearty welcome to their region. As we were traveling (me and work companion) and set to fly the next day, I hated to leave them, and hoped I could maybe drop them at a hospital or nursing home to cheer someone.... But we got to the next town too late, in time only for a late dinner.<br />So at restaurant, I say a mother and daughter (50s and 70/ for sure) dining at a nearby table. I asked work companion, should I offer them the flowers? We agreed and I fetched them from the rental car. Stopped by their table with a short explaination and offer..... And they said no! Who says no to flowers?! <br />I go back to my table, utterly confused and my work companion wincing saying, "Shot down!" Yikes. That is how it felt! TRShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09801686710086039781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-29376516722165184722015-09-14T20:19:06.370+01:002015-09-14T20:19:06.370+01:00This one was for Magdalena.This one was for Magdalena.Mrs McLeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18095035617334068201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-88863033126598772422015-09-14T20:18:37.736+01:002015-09-14T20:18:37.736+01:00After an hour, go. I know it's hard. But go. I...After an hour, go. I know it's hard. But go. It is important for the woman to be the first to say, "Oh, shoot. Gotta go." Go, go, go. No walkies. You're too busy for a walk. He wants to go for a walk, he's gotta schedule a new date. <br /><br />Coffee--one hour. Lunch--one and half hours, max. Dinner--two hours, maybe three, but then you really have to go home because you have a pile of work to do before you go to bed/you have to get up at six. Mrs McLeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18095035617334068201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-32471871427511363372015-09-14T20:15:39.907+01:002015-09-14T20:15:39.907+01:00It's just a coffee. Go to make a friend, not t...It's just a coffee. Go to make a friend, not to secretly interview a potential husband. Drink hot milk and stay off the internet for two hours before you go to bed. If not being a Catholic is in fact a deal-breaker for you, I'm not sure why you have a crush on him! Lots of girls are fervent about their faith, but they are totally okay with marrying a non-Catholic as long as he's Christian (and not hostile to Catholicism). I am not like that myself, of course, and once I stop being myself up for being a "bigot", I never got a crush on a non-Catholic again.Mrs McLeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18095035617334068201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-60221443068641299932015-09-14T20:13:27.126+01:002015-09-14T20:13:27.126+01:00My problem with the "it's just coffee&quo...My problem with the "it's just coffee" is that often times it's not just coffee. It turns into two, even three hours of chat, with a walk, with me thinking, " he must be interested in me, why else would he spend all this time with me?" I'm working on my "leave em wanting more, early depature moves, but it's hard when the conversation is good. <br />Anyway. Then, they may never call again. And I think, "certainly you knew in the first 40 minutes if you wanted to see me again. Why waste two hours of my life if you didn't want to see me again?!" <br />This happens to many women I know. I first was frustrated at being used for "practice" until another friend pointed out that they are actually using us for Therapy. <br /><br />Of course I'm not referring to coffee dates only. Many guys don't want to schedule coffee dates, they want to "grab a bite". Which makes me more reluctant because dinner generally turns into said therapy session.TRShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09801686710086039781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-62825968733124933742015-09-14T19:30:27.866+01:002015-09-14T19:30:27.866+01:00Go to the coffee date if he's not mad, bad or ...Go to the coffee date if he's not mad, bad or dangerous - okay, I'll think of it if I should get asked out. But what if you are asked for coffee by a nice guy you already have a crush on, but you already know that a) you don't share some important core values (he is not catholic) and b) you will spend at least two sleepless nights afterwards? But he is a friend of friends and generally quite nice? Would you say yes of no to coffee? I think the problem is not a) but rather b), as I am growing too old for sleepless nights, they are so exhausting...Magdalenanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-41200978824283028912015-09-14T14:13:55.301+01:002015-09-14T14:13:55.301+01:00Sort of off topic, but your last paragraph reminde...Sort of off topic, but your last paragraph reminded me that two of the major summer music hits in the US revolve around the idea of guys in relationships fending off advances from other women -- "Honey I'm Good" by Andy Grammar and "Cheerleader" by OMI. <br /><br />OMI is apparently able to turn down these offers because his girl is just so great:<br />All these other girls are tempting<br />But I'm empty when you're gone<br />And they say<br />Do you need me?<br />Do you think I'm pretty?<br />Do I make you feel like cheating?<br />I'm like no, not really 'cause<br />Oh, I think that I've found myself a cheerleader<br />She is always right there when I need her.<br /><br />Whereas Andy flees the scene of temptation by remembering his vows:<br />You look good, I will not lie<br />But if you ask where I'm staying tonight<br />I gotta be like oh baby, no baby, you got me all wrong baby<br />My baby's already got all of my love<br />So nah nah Honey, I'm good<br />I could have another but I probably should not<br />I've got somebody at home, and if I stay I might not leave alone<br />No, honey, I'm good<br />I could have another but I probably should not<br />I've got to bid you adieu<br />To another I will stay true<br /><br />I'm just amused that both songs celebrate the guy's fidelity while emphasizing that he *could* be getting another girl any time he wants. I asked my husband if he's had ever had girls throwing themselves at him like this since he got married...he said no. ;) Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08435555064199584507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-66124176880757199172015-09-14T14:00:56.127+01:002015-09-14T14:00:56.127+01:00A normal man doesn't care that much if a woman...A normal man doesn't care that much if a woman tells him, "No thank you," to a date, especially if he has had the sense to ask a cute woman out early in their acquaintance, before he has convinced himself he is madly in love with her.sciencegirlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-29866835535778877742015-09-14T13:51:06.383+01:002015-09-14T13:51:06.383+01:00For the first time in my life, I just noticed some...For the first time in my life, I just noticed something. Why do we describe a woman's polite "No, thank you" as an act of aggression? When we say "No thank you" to a party invitation, the hostess doesn't smack herself in the head and think, "Shot down!" A man isn't an airplane dropping bombs of destruction, and a woman isn't an anti-aircraft gun. So what gives?Mrs McLeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18095035617334068201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-670426779858438488.post-74081454413709222022015-09-14T13:25:52.491+01:002015-09-14T13:25:52.491+01:00You usually qualify "it's just coffee&quo...You usually qualify "it's just coffee" with "don't go if the guy is mad, bad or dangerous". Mr Sexual Opportunist is certainly dangerous, and possibly mad and/or bad too, so you've covered your bases with that one. Mr Boring Guy is POSSIBLY mad (I have noticed that there is usually something Not Quite Right with the really boring ones. I am not counting men who experience normal levels of "approach-anxiety" in this category.)<br /><br />I have been trying to spread the idea that women should accept dates with any men who are not mad, bad or dangerous -- a decent guy deserving a shot and all that. Apparently it is pretty common for guys to get shot down. Even good guys.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992516879346846271noreply@blogger.com